Best one liners for internet dating Is there a private chat room free for sexting

So I bought 100 copies of Goldfinger.” – Nick Hall “My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was 60.

She’s 97 now and we don’t know where she is.” – Ellen De Generes “I got a great review this morning. e Bay.” – Lee Mack “As a kid I was made to walk the plank.

The first one is on the house.” – Tim Vine “The depressing thing about tennis is that no matter how much I play, I’ll never be as good as a wall. They’re relentless.” – Mitch Hedberg “I rang up British Telecom and said: ‘I want to report a nuisance caller.’ He said: ‘Not you again.’” – Tim Vine “It’s amazing that the amount of news that happens in the world every day always just exactly fits the newspaper.” – Jerry Seinfeld “I was in my car driving back from work.

I went ‘that’s me’, and he went ‘no, you’re that mad bloke… ’” – Lee Mack “You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today.

The barman says, ‘Sorry we don’t serve food in here.’” – Peter Kay “I just bought underwater headphones and it’s made me loads faster.

Do you know how motivating it is swimming to the theme song from Jaws?

Read more: 105 of the funniest ever jokes and best one-liners “I had a survey done on my house.

Eight out of 10 people said they really rather liked it.” – Jimmy Carr “Hard to tell if people are interested in joining my Sarcastic Club or not…” – Milton Jones “One in four frogs is a leap frog.” – Chris Turner “‘Son, I don’t think you’re cut out to be a mime.’ ‘Was it something I said? ‘Yes.’” – Damien Slash “I was thinking of running a marathon, but I think it might be too difficult getting all the roads closed and providing enough water for everyone.” – Jordan Brookes “I’m going to donate my body to science, and keep my Dad happy – he always wanted me to go to medical school.” – Lee Mack “A sandwich walks into a bar.

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  1. The team used data from two samples of speed daters who filled out questionnaires about more than 100 traits and preferences before meeting each other in a series of four-minute dates.